Dear young lady at Caribou Coffee,
I’m sorry I overheard your conversation; you didn’t make ignoring it easy. I’m also sorry that you were in the midst of two really lousy relationships. I get that your boyfriend cheated on you, evidently a lot. I’m also sorry that they guy you ended up with cheated on his girlfriend to be with you. All I wanted was a cup of coffee and to spend some time reading my book. I had no intention of listening to your problems. Your friend’s voice carries and I was one table way from the both of you.
I did get into my book a bit and managed to ignore most of the conversation and then your friend showed up and the first words out of his mouth were, “Did you break up with him?” Then the story started again. Thankfully you were all farther away so the details and stuff were easier to ignore.
This all got me thinking. What I would want to say to you if you were my daughter. What would a dad say to his little girl about men? For several years of my daughter’s life I tried to tell her that men were more trouble than what they were worth, except for dads, of course. Sadly, there were some poorly worded phrases that mentioned broken legs and involved other bodily harm. Despite all of my best intentions to keep my little girl my little girl, she fell in love and got married to a great young man that loves her. She had her heart broken in the process, but love won the day.
So, seeing as how love appears inevitable in your life and the life of so many, here is some advice from a 50 something guy that didn’t always get it right. And, for the record, I know this sounds really old fashioned.
- You are worth more than a roll in the hay. Any young man that says, “If you love me you’d…” run…over him, or away. Option two is probably better than option one. That isn’t love. Don’t confuse sex with love.
- You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Don’t put up with abusive words. Don’t put up with abusive actions. That isn’t love and you don’t deserve it.
- Don’t be the other woman. Just don’t. If the love of your life left his wife for you, that has to be a bad sign right? It’s like ignoring a “Bridge Out” sign. It will not end well. Sure, there are people that have made it work. Those are the exceptions, not the rule.
- Roy is 94 years old. He said when he first got married all he could say is, “Let’s get it on!” Then after close to 60 years of marriage his wife died. He got married again at 89 years of age. He said that the only thought he had this time around was, “Will she accept me?” Love and commitment will outlast sex. Spend time building a relationship that will last for the rest of your life.
- People have said that they just grew apart. Don’t let that happen. Value your relationship above your career, possessions, or getting ahead in the world. You will be married far longer than any of those things will last.
- Relationships are hard work. Most want ‘happily ever after’ but there are times in a relationship when all you can ask is, “What was I thinking?!” That’s normal.
- You have got to be happy with you. No one else can make you happy.
- Find someone that loves you for just who you are today not what they hope you will be like tomorrow.
Remember, if relationships were easy the” relationship” section in a book store would be much smaller than it is. There sure wouldn’t be as many marriage and relationship seminars.
Love is risky; risk it. It is truly worth it. Just know that you are worth being treated really well. Anyway, I just thought you should know.
What advice would you add to the list? What would you take off?
One thought on “Advice for a coffee shop break up”
“You’ve got to be happy with you. No one else can make you happy.” Everyone needs to hear this. Thanks Dave for a well written and timely post.