There was a time when I had figured out that all I needed was to know that I was loved by God. My identity and worth were all wrapped up in God and God alone. It was a good feeling.
Then, slowly and methodically, I was seduced. Just like other affairs of the heart, this didn’t happen all at once. No, I think I would have noticed that. This seduction was subtle. In fact, I hadn’t even realized that it wasn’t enough to simply love God and be loved by God. It took a rather stupid event to help me realize that I had wandered from the fold.
An acquaintance wrote a book. Yep, a guy I know wrote a book. Now, I have friends that have written books, and none of them bother me. This one did. All of the sudden I felt inferior. I knew I was as smart, if not smarter, than this guy. I had far more experience than he did, and a better track record. Anyway, it really bothered me.
There was a lot of time being honest with myself and God about what bothered me regarding this whole book thing. God kindly and gently revealed some less than admirable things about me in the process.
I was jealous. I wanted the spotlight. It was pride. It was envy. It was a whole bunch of things. But it wasn’t born out of a deep and satisfying relationship with God.
The book I wanted to write wasn’t a way to help other’s grow in their relationship with God. It was a way to feel better about myself. It was a way to get people to notice me and think highly of me. In short, it was a way to feed my need for recognition and a sense of self-worth.
Slowly, almost imperceptibly, I was seduced away from the one true source of unshakable love in the universe. I was seduced away from finding my value and self-worth in God and God alone.
Maybe you are being seduced away from God. How can you tell? What are the things that make you envious? What are the things that make you feel like you are not enough? What are the things that steal your joy and satisfaction in God’s love for you? What makes you think, “God loves me, but…?”
Yes, it was a subtle seduction and it could have had disastrous consequences in my relationship with God. I’m still not happy about that guy’s book. But I am really thankful that I have a patient and understanding Savior that understands how fickle I can be with my affections.
Oh, I almost forgot. This whole incident has helped me to focus this blog and what I am trying to do. Look for changes in content coming soon. I will be focusing primarily on evangelism and discipleship. In other words, I am going to help people put skin on the Good News.
4 thoughts on “A subtle seduction”
Dave, Anyone can write a book that has both the the time and the money. I feel blogs are more difficult….the content can and is disputed.
Just brought a nugget back from a mens retreat that is helping me keep on track. The speaker suggested preaching the Gospel to yourself every morning when you get up. Stand in awe of the gift and forget about earning brownie points during the day….He gave them all to you in one gift! There is nothing to earn.
The Holy Spirit does awesome work!
Dave,I hope that you continue to search yourself, take in His word, eat of it, wear it, and reflect it. I’m glad that He continues to work through you to teach us of His love,selflessness, obiedence,and forgiveness. It’s a single, simple act on our part to believe, ask Him into our life, and request forgiveness for our sins. In return, we will receive everlasting life through Him! Keep the blogs coming and readers remember to share the insight received by Dave from Him, for you.